How to be a polygamist:
1. Do not be a frequent sleeper.
2. Join an obscure religious sect.
3. Name your children Mariam, Josephias, and Gary.
4. Move to Eldorado, TX.
5. Eat peaches from a can.
6. Wear floral dresses
7. Wear suspenders
8. Marry your cousin
9. Marry your other cousin
10. Use bowl when cutting hair
11. Never shave under arms
12. Pick up all hitch-hikers
13. Praise Mormonism
14. Ask everyone you meet if they're married.
15. Ask everyone you meet if they want to be married.
16. Never work 3rd shift.
17. Snort birth control
18. Sing David Bowie songs
19. Sneeze out birth control
20. Have the general appearance of a serial killer.
What I've learned today in life, love, and politics:
Life: Never let just any one hit on you...they may be a Mormon.
Love: True love can be bought in Vegas. Elvis Presley presiding.
Politics: Weed is illegal...idiots
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