Turning Japanese-o-not?!

You know...I counted my actual posts & I only have 36.

Well now 37. A while back I was talking to a friend (as usual) and we got on the conversation of sex (as usual). Its funny, but I'm getting to the point where this has become a miniature "sex blog" written by a "girl" who "ain't gettin' none". Our conversation, though, was dealing with the newest theory that:
Guys don't think about sex as much as women, presently--that the role has switched to where girls are the horny bastards & guys are the innocent by-standers.
Is this true? Am I not the only girl that thinks about men and vaseline 90% of their day?
Are the peni(?) of the world suffering from handicapped hormones?

The other night I remember having a dream about lingerie, people throwing spit balls at me, and a giant grizzly bear--this could become the face of the female wet dream equivalency! With these unsteady times, I feel bad for us girls--we finally want sex more than wedding bands & what do guys do? Go limp.

In any case, I hope to hear that guys start bringing sexy back--I think the term is called Turning Japanese-"o"?--and can find a cure for their lack of stamina. I mean, again, there is no reason that my friend and I should be so desperate as to look on eharmony for sex; (or those little "5 guys in 5 min." adds on facebook). There should be plenty of erections to go around.

What I've learned today in life, love, and politics:
Life: Always ask for reciepts.
Love: Guys, VIAGRA.
Politics: I wonder how much of my tax money goes to pay for Senators?
Think of how many condoms that could buy.

~all done in good humor

50!

I've finally hit the 50 blog mark.

So I was driving after work today and for some reason the comment, "you drive me crazy", came to mind. Immediately my mind circled around the comment, "you drive me up the wall."

What does "drive me up a wall" mean? And is it what constitutes being cRaZy?

Anyway, 50 blog mark--I'm done for the day.
What I've learned today in Life, Love, and Politics:
Life: Thunderstorms=Downed Trees=Annoying Detours
Love: I want a bird.
Politics: Shew. . . Shew.

Mute it, crazy!

Are you so certain that ignorance is bliss?

Guy walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Don't you think he'd rather have known about the bar than ignored it?

There's just something about that scenario which draws me to a more religious aspect; of course being a religion minor helps too. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I ended up having a religion debate with my grandfather; trying to subdue his rath (since my birthday IS coming up) I decided to do as he wished, and come up with questions that I wanted answered by a pastor.
I gave the list to my grandfather and he gave it to the pastor at the "church I once affiliated myself with".

Feedback: Don't expect those with faith to understand reason. The two just don't mesh.

Several days ago my mother shows up at my door and gives me yet another, "I'm trying to save your soul" gift. This time it was a book about questions that skeptics ask and the answers to those questions. Unfortunately the book beats around the bush at answering questions typical of atheists/non-believers, and instead uses un-rational ways to prove God's existance. Such as:

Everything has to have a beginning. Therefore, everything also has to have a creator to have made it. God is the beginning of all things, therefore the universe must exist because of him.
***Um, if everything has a beginning than what created God? If God exists then he must have come from something/somewhere--right. Oh the tragedy of being ignorant.

Anway, not a funny blog, but what was on my mind.
What I learned today in Life, Love, and Politics:
Life: Archaeology is a LOT harder than what you might think.
Love: Tom Petty.
Politics: Jump on the Obama ship for a free college experience & better food rations.
Jump on the McCain ship for a free nude thong & white president.

~all done in good humor

Walk like an eVirgin...

You poor poor girl.

I seem to start these blogs out in the same way; "I was talking to a girlfriend today" when we got on a conversation about make out scenarios.
PS: This friend is a virgin in almost all respects.

Why is it that this wonderfully funny, smart, and cute girl has not had the pleasure (aka disaster) of relationship bliss?

I began wondering whether or not it would seem odd to a guy if the girl he began dating would be less experienced than he? Would he like the idea of "virgin soil", or would he rather have "fertilized farmland"?

To my knowledge we all must start at some point--I can't remember my first kiss with my first boyfriend, but I know it happened. Why is it that being a virgin throughout your teens would seem prudish (except of course to the Christians with their chastity belts)? Why is it that being a virgin through your early twenties would be "hopeless?" She'll remember her first time a lot better than others do theirs.

Anyway, I feel awful for this poor poor girl that hasn't had the opportunity to suck face with a guy. If you are interested in giving out charity donations to a friend, check out her eharmony page---some are so lucky as to have one.

What I've learned today in Life, Love, and Politics:
Life: Its hard to be a vegetarian.
Love: Women haven't needed men since the popularity boom of the sperm bank and invention of the dildo. What are we still keeping them around for!?
Politics: I don't get paid enough.

~all done in good humor

Fantasy.Football

Fantasy.naked.Football.

I.was.talking.with.a.girlfriend.the.other.day.and.it.was
really.surprising.when.she.told.me.that.my.classic.line
in.conversation.is."I.want.him.all.over.me".

Odd.

Its.true.that.most.of.the.time,.I.feel.the.need.to.have.Hugh
Laurie.dipped.in.chocolate,.rolling.on.my.bedspread---
but.is.that.such.a.bad.thing?!

Northerners.like.sausages...Mountain.men.like.their.kin...
Texans.like.Dolly.Parton...and.I.like.fantasies...

Blame.the.upbringing.

In.any.case,.if.someone.would.happen.to.have.Hugh.Laurie's.
cell,.a.bottle.of.chocolate.sauce,.a.pair.of.socks,.and.a.plunger,
I'd.really.appreciate.a.response.

What.I've.learned.today.in.Life,.Love,.and.Politics:
Life:...We.should.all.talk.sex.with.Sue
Love:...lubricate,.LUBRicate,.LUBRICATE
Politics:...Still.strong.for.Colbert...

So.you.think.you've.got.Game?

Yeah.right...

I.was.watching.a.movie.tonight.with.a.friend.about.love.and
affection--throughout.the.whole.movie.I.was.questioning.my
sanity,.but.nevertheless.I.made.it.through.the.video.with.
only.a.handful.of.questions.

Do.real.men.wear.pink?
What.are.the.male.flirting.signs?
How.do.you.avoid.a.male.in.heat?

I.pondered.on.my.questions.for.a.while.and.came.up.with
these.answers.

Real.men.sometimes.have.the.need.to.show.off.their.emotions.
Aka--wearing.pink.on.their.sleeves.
Take.the.amigos.down.at.the.corner.Walmart.for.example...they
stare.down.most.limber.objects,.and.then.start.up.their.little.lingo
so.that.no.one.can.understand.what.they're.saying.
Well.Jose---I.know.what.puerta.means,...and.you.ain't.shoving.your.
grande.in.mine.

The.male.of.our.species.can.be.classified.into.4.flirt.types:
Drive.by--guy.tries.to.look.as.cool.as.possible.when.approaching
possible.target...stares.victim.down.and.keeps.going.wanting.to.
see.if.she.follows.
Hugh.Grant--guy.uses.his.charming.assets.to.win.over.mate.
Physical.Reprimand--guy...(usually.teen)...will.think.that.physical
hitting,.spitting,."throwing.water.on"...are.the.proper.way.to.catch
a.gal--wrongo.
Lack.of.Game--guy.is.within.20%.of.e-harmony's.dating.rejects.and
flirts.with.others.via.the.internet...btw...also.has.a.hairy
lower.back (in.most.cases).

How.do.you.avoid.males:
*DO.NOT.BECOME.A.LESBIAN!!*...you.think.guys.stare.at.you.now?
Wait.until.you.make.plans.with.a.girlfriend.and.you.have.to.feel.
uncomfortale.because.some.horny.guy.wants.you.to.make.out.w/
each.other.

What.I've.learned.today.in.Life.Love.and.Politics:
Life:...only.worth.what.its.made.of
Love:...$$
Politics:...I.wish.Monopoly.money.was.fo'rizzle.

~all.done.in.good.fun

Shallow.Me?

Again....ignore.the.periods.

I'm.sure.that.most.people.remember.the.theatre.
buster..."shallow.hal"...starring.Jack.Black.
It.wasn't.until.just.recently.(about.5.minutes.ago).that.I
really.realized.my.own.shallow.tendencies.involving.men...

I.got.an.AIM.several.weeks.back.from.a.screen-name.
that.I.didn't.know--sounds.harmless.enough,.but.the.
thought.of.being.stalked/murdered.by.some.crazy.
lunatic.kept.popping.into.mind.
The.person.asked.me.several.questions...I.asked.if.I
knew.him...he.said."no".that.he.just.had.my.info.
from.a.long.time.ago...
Conversation.ends...we.don't.converse.until.tonight.
Okay,...so...what.to.think?
Crazy.psycho,.or.male.model?

If.you.read.my.posting.from.yesterday.you'd.already
know.the.answer...

The.internet.has.screwed.me.by.sending.Jim.my.way.
He.Im'ed.me.tonight.and.sent.me.a.link.to.his.myspace.
OF.COURSE.I.was.interested.to.see.who.he.was!
Unfortunately,...e-harmony.must.have.sent.out.my.
information.to.the.other.20%.of.applicants.who.can't
get.easy.sex--this.guy.was.totally.declined.membership
to.the.dating.market.

I.told.him.that.my.internet.was.being.idiotic.so.I.
couldn't.view.his.profile.link....(lie--big.lie)
He.asked.what.I.liked.to.do.for.fun:
I.told.him.I.was.studying.at.UCLA.this.summer.
doing.ethnobotany....(lie--though.a.cool.thought).
He.asked.if.I.was.there.now:
"I'm.such.an.idiot...If.he's.a.stalker.of.course.he.
knows.I'm.still.in.SC!!

The.only.thing.I.could.think.to.do.was.delete.him
from.my.buddy.list...
Poor.Jim.

Anyway,...I.feel.bad.but.I.figure...Jack
Black.got.with.Gwyneth.Paltrow.at."Shallow.Hal's".end
Jim.is.definitely.nobody's.idea.of.a.male.Gwyneth.
Paltrow...so.there.has.to.be.someone.to.look.forward.to!

What.I've.learned.today.in.Life,.Love,.and.Politics:
Life:...If.Brittany.Spears.can.steal.from.Locks.of.Love.
in.order.to.get.the.locks.that.guys.like...why.can't.I?
Love:...AIM.should.not.be.a.dating.resource.
Politics:...Freedom.to.Love

~all.done.in.good.humor

Horny.&.Petty

I.apologize.for.my.lack.of.spaces...

After.nearly.three.months.of.radio.silence.I.felt.the.need.to.add
a.post.after.listening.to.Tom.Petty's..."You.don't.know.
how.it.feels." Do.you.ever.listen.to.a.song.and.immediately.
want.to.have.sex.with.someone?
Ugh...me.too...
Anyway,...this.song.did.it.for.me,.but.then.I.remembered.
my.past.month.of.relationship.realizations:

Realization.#1:...According.to.AOLnews.guys.don't.like.girls.
with.short.hair...Apparently.the.trendy.fashion.forward.look.
is.more."butchy".to.guys.than.cute.
I.think.men.should.be.grateful.that.a.woman.would.
touch.something.as.ugly.as.a.penis.

Realization.#2:...Just.last.week.a.friend.and.I.decided.to.go.
"wild".and.create.e-harmony.profiles.for.ourselves...
Not.to.actually.find.a.guy.but.just.to.see.who.we'd.pair.up.with.
After.answering.over.100.questions.and.reflecting.on.my.
personality,.e-harmony.sends.me.a.disclaimer.saying.
that.20%.of.applicants.are.not.given.a.profile.because.
they're.not. suited.for.the.cyber.dating.world...
Fuck.you.e-harmony.
P.S:...my.friend.already.has.17.suitable. matches.on.her.profile.


Realization.#3:...I.am.too.short.for.relationship.bliss.

Therefore,.even.though.Tom.Petty.makes.me.want.roll.
around.with.a.guy.covered.in.
vaseline.and.Hawaiian.Tropic.tanning.oil....
I.can't.because.the.internet.screwed.me.instead.

What.I've.learned.today.in.life,.love,.and.politics:
Life:...Do.not.walk.underneath.birds.
Love:...match.com
Politics:...Whoever.gives.me.free.gas.gets.my.vote.

~all.done.in.good.humor