Surprise!

Man--I suck at blogging.

In case anyone was wondering, I did not die recently; ergo that was not the reason for my absence in "blogger" world. Lots of non-cyber related porn...took my mind off of the important things in life.

So I have been contemplating about writing for my university's newspaper. Something along the lines of sitting in a "secret" spot, watching the kids go by, and making fun of them with my sharp wit and binoculars. There is so much potential here for bitchy comments via moi--like the other day, I saw this big-un' with her hair extensions the same color as her bright purple shirt and shoes! Since when did Barney start advertising on college campuses?---I'd really like a job.

Oh, and how about the cattle that keep parading in plaid mini-shorts around school?! I do not want to see your cellulite, uterus, or branded butt cheeks on my way to psych. of religion. Literally, these girls look like their shorts are about to be eaten away by the munching of their famished asses---to put it in layman's terms. Obviously they don't realize that guys don't go for that bull...especially when there are people like me walking around.

And don't think that boys escape my scrutiny. I was talking with a friend recently about how guys are becoming so much more metro-sexual on campus. Funny since this is south carolina and this is south carolina---there are no "metros", there are no equal rights, 5 girls in an apartment is considered a brothel. Why the hell do I have to share my skinny jeans, sunglasses, hair styles and makeup with all the guys in the world? So what if we stole your multi-bladed razors, boxer-briefs, and pants! You pratically handed them to us! But my feminity?! You can't have it, "metro-boy," so give it back.

What I've learned today in life, love, and politics:
Life: Is funnier when viewed upside down, drunk, and shirtless.
Love: PLUMP WHEN YOU COOK THEM!
Politics: Palin= knocked up teen
Mrs. Spears= knocked up Jamie-Lynn
The question is who will shave their head next?

~all done in good humor