Amazing Grace

Today I was driving to work in this obscure part of Shandon, and low and behold I see this epiphany staring at me through my windshield. It was...the infamous church-front sign life lesson. "No one is perfect but you must try." I mean--how could you not feel insignificant and in need of some downright faith after reading something like that!? It appears as if the church-go'ers have finally found a way to bring others to their congregations---what a relief; I was beginning to wonder if they'd ever find me! And this isn't the only sign that I've seen lately that its time to pack up my anthropology books and dust off the old torah, just last week I saw a sign that said, "Give God what's right, not whats left." Those tricky little bastards; how did they know that I was holding my wallet in my right hand? Anyway, back to this weeks sign. I was pretty perplexed with the statement that said, "no one is perfect..." Maybe it was just me and the Methodists, but in my church I learned that Jesus was perfect... Why do christians allow Baptists to write pagan ideas on their church signs?? Not only are they corrupting the whole earth, but they also are wasting water with their full body emersion baptisms!! I just don't understand; why aren't such wasteful, irresponsible people put into the same category as the Mexican boarder crossers and Roman Catholics?? I mean, if we expelled them they could all just go back to the Vatican, Mexico, and Utah--no one would be the wiser!! I feel like christian churches, especially Baptists, should be prosecuted for monopolizing the country's billboards; I mean, how many Islamic or Satanic signs have you seen littering the street corners lately? None; because the church-go'ers are all a part of this monopolizing conspiracy. Take all the billboard space, and they'll be none left for the Jew...that's their plan. Fortunate for me and the other sinners, every once in a while a "Adultry is Super Evil" church sign, will be recycled into a 100 ft tall "Adult Supercenter" BILLBOARD. But this is soon followed by the usual, "seven days without prayer makes one weak" diddy...AND how could you NOT want to turn off on exit 69 for that church!? So what I've learned today in life, love, and politics...
Life: Hold your wallet in the left hand when at all possible.
Love: The day after Valentines day has really great chocolate sales.
Politics: A Baptist walks into a bar....Ouch.

--all done in good humor