Prohibition Ammunition

I feel like I'm going to barf.

This can mean only 1 of 3 things...

1. I'm pregnant
2. I drank WAY too much last night
3. My dirty ho-bag roommate gave me the rhino-virus

Medically speaking, I don't think that you can become pregnant from sitting on toilet bowls--so I'm scratching that one off.

I haven't really seen "Gator" the past couple of days (off stripping I assume) so I am only going halfsies on that one--I just wanted to include her in this discussion so that I could call her a dirty ho-bag.

Last night I downed about 1/3 of a bottle of merlot & about 3/5 of a bottle of champange. I weigh about 108, am 5'2, don't know my actual hair color, have a tramp stamp of a Giant beating a Patriot, and have a maximum heart rate of 201...so of COURSE I must have a hangover!!


So last night started as just a way to loosen up from a week of utter 'boringness', but like I said, I'm a tiny person...I run away faster when you try to chase after me...I lick up drinks off the table when you spill them...I try to make it to the toilet bowl, but sometimes I just fail.

Sidenote: Please be aware that I have no idea what I'm talking about right now...I just compared myself to a dog, only it was kind of funny so I'm not going to delete it. Just realize that I drank my weight in booze last night accompanied by only 2 people. Not exactly a partAY. And now I'm just rambling trying to fill the void in your miserable life b/c that's what this blog is for. Your entertaining, mother fucker. END NOTE

What I can remember from last night was that I put on heels and started dancing to music from my own imagination. I ran outside and tried to race Elysia, who grabbed me and pulled me back to my stoop. I took my pants off, while on the stoop, and started singing Mulan--it was bound to happen--and then spent the rest of the night by the toilet bowl trying to figure out how pre-Subway-Jared's-turds could fit down the tiny hole at the bottom.

What I learned the morning after in life, love, and politics:
Life: Life is a bitch, so sometimes you gotta slap her around a little and show her who her daddy be.
Love: You all up in my goodies son, take your gun and run, run, run.
Politics: When your black-lesbian roommate starts drinking, cyber-sexing on your computer, and takes out her gun and starts laughing...only & ONLY then, do you begin to appreciate laws concerning "gun-control", "prohibition", and "indecent exposure".


--all done in good humor