Say "No" to the "Preacher"

Most people believe in such a head-over heels definition of love.

The white knight, ball gown, witch in disguise shabang; but I must say that love has begun to feel like an imaginary feeling.
Like the saying, "that'll shut her up";love is just a word that people use to keep others happy.
And then get some...
For example, my first boyfriend Tyler had this way of making himself a bit "overly" excited when we were making out and would...you know...in his pants.
Then he'd go into overload asking me, "Oh my God, do you think you're pregnant? Do you think you're pregnant?"
"Do I think I'm pregnant?"
Well yeah dipshit, I'm pregnant right now!!
We both have our pants on and you came in your tighty-whities.
Someone call 911.
But no... I took the good with the bad...I was in 11th grade and that was love babAY.
He broke up with me.
Then my next boyfriend, for another example, had this great accent, was nice, cute...blah and blah...but he had this issue with me talking to people my own age.
He was a senior & I still a junior.
Jealousy isn't the best policy, but I convinced myself that love must be behind the behavior.
Lucky me.
I broke up with him after two weeks.
Third-time's-a-charm-Adam came around my senior year.
He was my grade, my type, had been a long crush--stereotypic highschool sweethearts...
Until 1. Got caught having "semi-sex" by my parents
2. Found him never able to satisfy me, but always in need of a bj
3. Realized a year and a half in, that he would only ever love the Greenbay Packers

He dumped me ofcourse.

Then the last "guy-friend", the one I deny ever having because I can't stand the thought of him, was Preacher.
He was older, bigger, and much more in to me than I was him.
I tried to convince myself the whole time that we "saw" each other that I liked him, but found that his physical nature did nothing for me.
The guy had three nipples for God's sakes!
What was I suppose to do, be like, "Nice nipple. This must be love?"
No.
Just didn't work out; moral issues, you know.

And don't think that the love cherade escapes other categories. Take babies for example.
I don't know what people get high off of when they see a baby, but bring one in a room and everyone goes nuts.
Apparently the FDA is going to be starting some sort of research on the benefits of babies as an esteem booster; wrap that euphoria in a gel-capsule; and sell it under the name Prosac2.
Sign me up.
Babies, men, puppies in red bows...they're all the same.
Give them what they want, and they'll shut up.
Tell them that you love them, and they'll stare back at you and drool.
Tell them that its over, and you feel bad the next day.
Never see them again, and you wonder...what ever happened to _____.

So what I've learned in life, love, and politics:
Life: Don't trust the Jews.
Love: Don't date preachers.
Politics: If Hillary Clinton was my wife, I'd have cheated on her too.

--all done in good humor