'Obvee'

So I'm sitting here, literally right here & now, listening to my roommates Phantzie and Gator (yes those are their real names) talking about god knows what...most nights of mine are spent in the comfort of my grand yellow and green apartment/"estate" contemplating my future as a world-renown astrophysicist turned Hollywood sitcom star, but tonight it seems the only thing on mind are the random comments being made by my "wonderful" living acquaintances.
"Woman please," She says.
"Think of all the stupid people there are, there are a lot of stupid people out there who think they're really smart."
--How do you get more philosophical than that---
"Unless you're like a doctor or lawyer, or realtor. hahahaha, she's going to be a realtor; I've got a big dream for her. They make pretty consistent money though. Everyone needs a house, even if you are selling a crack house.
This is why all asian families want there kids to be doctors or lawyers. This is why after they realized I sucked at science they said, 'You have to be a lawyer'. Lawyers are dirty. Actually when I was little I wanted to be a judge...weird huh?! You know what mainly I wanted to do was? Wear the robe and hit the gavel, because I remember watching the OJ Simpson trial and seeing the judge saying, "Sit down and shut up.' Apparently as a child I was attracted to power."
--Kill me please. I want to die before I listening to the rest of this--
"Here's your shit, we're going to take it away and liquidate you...Love you, bye. Oral fixation! Wait, I'm pretty sure the next one IS oral fixation."
--I got your oral fixation.--
"Pay attention (Gator)."
"I've been trying to drink water but it makes me feel like ass; I drank this whole bottle of gatorade."
"I'm going to fill this up for you, and you're going to drink it."
"That whole jar?"
"Yeah, the whole jar"
"No!"
"If you get better before tomorrow I'm going to kill you. And then we'll get school off."
"Ty Ty, so fly fly."
--Here enters my other roommate--
"In which the child represses all interest in sexuality."
"24 oz? Is this 24oz? Ball, that's the type of Mason Jar this is...Ball."
--Alright, I'm done with this shit--
What I've learned today in life, love, and politics...
Life: IQs drop with the opening of the mouth.
Love: Doesn't exist. Love is the word for people who apparently represses all interest in sexuality.
Politics: Asian + Sicilian = Big mouths with little eyes...not too good for seeing when other people want you to SHUT UP...j/k guys <3, j/k

--all done in good humor

"he put his baby in a box, for the sake of science, 'obvee'..."