How obscene.
I don't know why, but the look of a pregnant woman is one of the most repulsive things to me. Maybe its my subconscious hatred towards beach balls? I don't know...but for some reason an oncoming "pregger" is a justification for my chronic bulemia.
Along with most everything, I have my suspicions as to why women become pregnant. My theory:
Men are EVIL.
Our amoeba ancestors began pressurizing other amoeba ancestors into corners and started making them reproduce on command.
3 BILLION years of pressure later, women have been brainwashed into having a uterus while men, oh so care-free, can pee into straws.
If the nice amoebas would have stood up to the EVIL amoebas then perhaps women would now have a 6" long clitoris and spermettes, while men have PMS and a sack of ovaries.
And you say that God is just.
Anyway, so apart from being bullied into evolutionary motherdom, I see no other reason that would validate a woman's choice for a baby bump. I do see, three points, however, that should keep women off the diaper aisle and in supply of dildos...
Point 1: Stretch Marks
Women since the invention of the bikini have been told, DO NOT eat M&Ms b/c they make you fat......
As we all know
M&Ms = cellulite = stretchmarks.
And so if
pregnant = stretchmarks
then
M&Ms = stretchmarks = pregnant
THEREFORE
M&Ms = pregnant.
Summary: Pregnant women will look like M&M women.... BAD BAD BAD
Point 2: Morning Sickness
The morning was meant to be a time for tomato juice and eggs. When pregnant, everyone KNOWS that your breakfast ends up on your shoes while you're running to the bathroom.
To prove this:
Tomato Juice + Eggs + Pregnant = Upchuck.
Upchuck + shoes = smelly shoes
Everyone KNOWS that
smelly shoes = smelly feet.
THEREFORE
pregnant = smelly feet.
Summary: Pregnant women will smell like dirty feet......BAD BAD BAD
Point 3: Maternity Pants
Since the induction of women into the work force, we have been manipulated into wearing the jean of our forefathers. The jean was designed for easy penis access...when women began wearing jeans there was no removal of the frontal zipper, just the addition of a stretch maternity waistband!!
Women have always been prone to hate things that stretch:
thighs, boobs, slinkys...but because of our evolutionary brainwashing we thought nothing of the sexist maternity pant.
Summary: Pregnant women are being ostracized by the men they bear.........Shame SHAme SHAME!!
With these three points in mind I hope that women will be able to break the mold that males have been pushing us into.
Stretch marks, smelly feet, and latex lining are all that can be looked forward to, girls, if we continue down this road. (Those that have already been victimized are asked to , "not let it happen again.")
Let us unite in our efforts for male genital mutilation; if not for pride then for the continued evolution of a 6" clitoris.
What I've learned today in life, love, and politics:
Life: How did we ever get out that little hole; its hard enough for tampons to get in?
Love: Lesbians and Gays are the only true lovers. They were the amoebas that stood on the sidelines having orgasms instead of offspring.
Politics: Is it politically correct to say Hill's a hermaphrodite...or is it slander? I get the two mixed up.
--all done in good humor
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