Beats Me...

If I did stand-up, I'd probably eat marshmallows.

Me:
Hello sexies...and welcome to the morning announcements.
Today we'll be skipping the pledge of allegiance to focus on more trendy topics:
Whats that SAND in your HAND taste like?
Who wet their pants & how do we know?
"Special Dessert Casserole Surprise"
and finally,
Baby Bump---or Bumpy Baby? (latest 3rd grade "the now" gossip).

Marshmallow Break.

Welcome.
Welcome, Americans to my very first stand up/sit down blog post.
If all goes well we'll be out of here in the next five minutes--if you can't read then I guess you'll be here indefinitely.
But don't worry--you can't read--and that's okay.

Shake your head if you can understand me.

All those that shook their head, please continue on.
Those that didn't---you can't read, and my taxes are probably paying for your Hawaiian Punch fruit cocktail.

Marshmallow Break.

I was talking to a man the other day about Homeland Security and felt a little beside myself... There was nothing there so I put my hand back in my lap. The guy kept muttering about George Bush and the Grand Canyon, but all I could focus on was his mustache and AK 47. I asked him who he thought was going to win next falls "Fabbies Style Blogger Award show". Lucky for me, I got out of Pakistan alive.

Its pretty distressing that not all comedians write their material. I don't understand why the person writing the scripts can't be the one on the actual show. Perhaps their not that marketable? Maybe they've suffered the occasional "fat-attack"? But Oprah weighs over 250 lbs., has a black woman mustache, AND has a black woman mustache; I think in lieu of obesity, enriched wheat flour, and 7blade septuple-ACTION razors, we should give the writers a chance.

Marshmallow break.

Every once in a while an opportunity comes around that could give hungry people in Africa some food. Most of the time I just change the channel. Like I said, I'm already paying taxes to feed half the population in S.C...I can't afford to pick up their African cousins as well.

Marshmallow break.

Chris Farley is one of my all time fav. comedians. I was thinking, like two minutes ago, that his ass-crack was one of his best assets...gross and sometimes scary to think of...but funny. This made me think, though, if I was a true comedian would it be funny to viewers if I showed a little crack? Seems disturbing.

Marshmallow break.

Well I believe five minutes has been up.
I hope all these tiddies have been well worth my Saturday morning. If not, then I'll remember that stand up/sit down blogs are not my thing & continue making fun of random people instead.
Good morning viewers and happy trails.

Marshmallow Break

What I've learned today in life, love, and politics:
Life: I just woke up...haven't learned much yet.
Love: Is like high-fives. For a bit, they're okay...but after awhile your hand hurts and eventually falls off--kind of like penises.
Politics: I go to USC---home of STEVEN ORR SPURRIER. Football & Politics escape me.


--all done in good humor